go ahead, laugh at my expense

In 1986, I swam on my high school’s varsity swim team.  That year, a HORRIFIC photo was taken of me in my swim suit and published in the yearbook.  This event happened over twenty-five years ago, but it remains the fourth most embarrassing moment of my life (embarrassing moments two and three involve spontaneous crying in public.  Embarrassing moment number one involves milk and vomit; perhaps I will blog about them someday) The photo itself is supremely humiliating, but two events followed that increased my shame tenfold.  First, my friend wrote, “USDA approved” across my bare, pasty thigh in every single yearbook he could get his hands on (note here, I ended up dating that boy for over two years, and he is a follower of my blog.  Hi, Wake!).  Second, while I was sitting at lunch the day after the photo was published, the Spanish teacher, Mrs. Navarro, walked up to the table and addressed me in front of twenty of my classmates and friends. 

“I loved the photo,” she said.  “There are countries in South America that revere women with thick thighs.”

The table burst into laughter, and I went home and cried.

Because I am deeply committed to my blog followers I am going to allow you to laugh at my expense by publishing, again, the dreaded photo. (Oh God, I just vomited a little in my mouth).

1986 yearbook photo. Why didn’t someone tell me that haircut only worked for Annie Lennox?

The swim suit photo was brought to mind recently when I was downloading pictures off my camera.  My three-year-old loves to take photos and she took one of me a few weeks ago.  It is, without doubt, the worst photo I have ever seen of myself and because I want to spread love and make you feel better about your own lives, I am going to share the photo.  Enjoy!  But remember, the photo was taken at 6:00 AM, and I only look like this until I get my cup of coffee.

The very fact that I am letting you see this shows how much I value your readership

After my morning coffee, I look like this

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6 thoughts on “go ahead, laugh at my expense

  1. Caryn says:

    LOLOL. I feel better now, until I remember how my fat rolls looked in the mirror at yoga at 6 am this morning….funny, they don’t look any different after my coffee!

  2. […] Yesterday I posted two ghastly photos of myself.  When my husband read my blog, his comment was, “Damn, Honey, that is one big-ass thigh.”  So, today I have decided to post only cute photos of myself in order to prove two things.  One, I have learned from my poor hair choices in the 80′s, and I am no longer Annie Lennox’s doppelgänger.  Two, I am not a homeless person with questionable mental stability. […]

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