Years ago, I had a labrador retriever named King Oberon. He had a severe case of obsessive-compulsive disorder; he simply could not stop playing fetch. If he could see a tennis ball but was unable to reach it, he would pace hysterically. He would pause with the ball in view and jump repeatedly trying to capture the ball for himself. He barked, whined, yelped, and twitched nervously until someone came along and threw the ball for him to chase down.
My fourteen-year-old son is exactly the same way when it comes to snowboarding. He sees snow and begins to pace, twitch, and whine until you release him to the slopes.
Unfortunately, you know by my last blog post, Cole broke his arm snowboarding a few days ago. He spent most of yesterday attempting to convince me to allow him to snowboard despite the cast on his left arm. Following are a list of his pleas, which I will translate for you:
“Mom, can I please go shred the gnar-pow?”
TRANSLATION: Mom, can I please go snowboarding; it snowed recently and the powder is gnarly (in this case, gnarly is a good thing)
“Mom, I promise I won’t go BC, and I won’t hit anything jenky.”
TRANSLATION: I promise I won’t go into the back country, and I won’t go down anything too treacherous.
“I’ll totally zag the wells and skirt the bomb holes.”
TRANSLATION: I will avoid tree wells and deep holes. (a tree well is the area directly beneath a pine tree where the branches protect the ground from snow thus creating a giant well or hole. A bomb hole is an area of ungroomed terrain where the snow has settled or caved-in thus creating a pit.)
“Please, Mom, I won’t even lob the rollers.”
TRANSLATION: I won’t launch myself off jumps.
My son is exactly like my labrador, and I must admit his constant whining is weakening my resolve. By next weekend, I may cave completely, and if I let my son snowboard with a cast on his arm, I will either be the most neglectful mom in the world, or the most awesome mom in history.
However, if I let him go, I plan to remind him that if he breaks his other arm, no one in this family will help him use the bathroom.