Yesterday was Easter, and I hid eggs and baskets for my three kids ’cause even though my oldest is seventeen, she will still get out of bed early for jelly beans. My four-year-old woke first and immediately found a chocolate egg. She began searching and had amassed quite a stock-pile before her siblings came downstairs.
My son, who just turned fifteen, started looking for his basket, which I had hidden in the kitchen cupboard, but he kept looking past it and couldn’t seem to find it. In his frustration, he began making disparaging remarks about the Easter Bunny, knowing of course that I AM THE EASTER BUNNY.
Looking straight at me he asked, “Do you think the Easter Bunny hid anything upstairs?”
“No,” I replied. “I am sure the Easter Bunny stayed down stairs.”
“Why? Was she too lazy to hide eggs upstairs?”
“No, I am sure she is a very hard-working bunny who didn’t want to wake your lazy butt up.”
“Why would she have woken me up? Is she really fat with giant thumping feet?”
“No,” I insisted. “She is quite a skinny bunny with very sweet little feet.”
“No, I’m pretty sure she is fat. I bet she had a big bag of jelly beans and while she was filling these plastic eggs she probably ate half the bag of candy herself.”
I had no defense for this accusation. I had indeed eaten some jelly beans.
During our conversation, my son continued unsuccessfully to find his basket. “She’s mentally challenged, isn’t she?” he said. “The Easter Bunny is a little off.”
“I suggest you quit talking smack about the Easter Bunny or she is going to eat the ears off your chocolate rabbit.”
Cole inhaled loudly, “CANIBAL!” he sneered.
I have mentioned many times that my son broke his arm several weeks ago. He was due to have his cast taken off next Friday. On Saturday, we were running errands and Cole decided to stay in the car while I ran into the store. When I returned he had removed his cast by using the serrated edge of the car key. “You were gone a long time,” he said. “I got a little bored.”
I have officially lost three pounds and officially gained one pound back. On the upside, I had my body fat tested and only 23% of my body is fat. That means that under all this cellulite I am totally ripped!