there is poop on my pumpkin

Last week I walked through my front door and realized there was poop on my pumpkin.  I hesitate to write about this because I just finished my series on the front-yard mole hunt.  I hate to leave my readers with the impression that my home is full of vermin, but apparently, my home IS full of vermin.

tiny pooh on my pumpkin

I made my usual trek to the hardware store and purchased rat traps, spread them around my doorstep, and waited.  Days passed and nothing happened.

On the side of our house, we have a narrow ledge that separates brick work from the wooden siding.  A few days after operation rat-trap, I noticed more rodent poop up on this ledge.  I pictured the little bugger scaling the brick, perching on the ledge, and pooping while peering in the family room window and raising his tiny middle finger.  Obviously, rodents in our neighborhood have a serious attitude problem, entitled little garbage-eaters.

I cleaned up the droppings, repositioned the traps, and continued to wait.  Each day a little more poop appeared.

When my husband got home from work, I said, “Honey, there is more poop on my pumpkin.”

It is not always easy being married to me.  Tim tilted his head to one side, wrinkled his brow, and said, “Whaaaat?”

I explained the pumpkin poop, ledge poop, rodent traps and led him to the porch for a full evaluation.

bat guano on my ledge

He looked up and down, up and down.  “You aren’t catching any rats ‘cause this is not rat poop.”

My eyes widened.  “What kinda poop is it?”

“Guano.”

“You are telling me an iguana left this poop?”

I have already admitted that it is not always easy being married to me.  “Honey,” Tim said slowly.  “It’s bat pooh.  There is a bat living in our rafters.”

Holly Guano!  I ran to the computer and searched health risks + guano and apparently bat poop can carry histoplasmosis which Microsoft Word doesn’t even recognize as a real word.  Apparently one can “lose an eye or a lung” to this infection.

I’m screwed.  I have been sweeping up bat guano for days.  My left eye feels very twitchy and this morning at spin class my breathing was severely labored.

Rat traps that are doing no good at all. Apparently bats don’t eat cheese.